Hi, I’m Dave, author of all those articles your aunt sent you that you may or may not have clicked on.These include: the most-read post in BuzzFeed history, this ode to grocery store music, the new and improved high school GED test, and this stunning exposé.

As one typically would be before being buried alive.

He ended up accomplishing his goal after spending 61 days underground.

He just turned 145 last year. Just kidding, but would you be surprised if this absolute unit was still with us?

I shudder to think of the sound of log-sawing happening every night on floor 12.

Imagine accidentally rolling a pill bug the entire time. Got to think that's happened at least once.

The Lebron of pea pushing, folks. Take note.

There's got to be a better way to do this. Maybe a giant underwater broom?

Put a little bit of Inglehoffer sweet hot mustard on that and you're cooking.

Let he who has not skateboarded with a potted plant cast the first stone.

I think I got Vamping Venus for best picture next year.

Congratulations to her and the future Mr. Lube Rack.

I imagine a game lasts about... nine seconds.

Need a guy on pogo stick to race too, just to balance it out.

He doesn't play the blues, he plays the reds. On account of all the blood rushing to his head. Or something like that.

AKA where technology should have stopped advancing.

Need to see this at the LA 2028 Olympics.

Would love to see a collab with the dolphins.

Again, would love to see a collab with the dolphins.

Apparently the woman third from left, Greene Courtney, won. Congrats Greene!

Congrats to Peg on the huge achievement.

Every wardrobe could use a going-out barrel.

(Kevin Garnett voice) ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!

There was no television. You had to do stuff like this.

Imagine seeing this in person. It'd be electric.

The Mole People were thrilled by his statement.

Imagine being the guy taking this picture and accidentally putting your thumb in front of the lens.

Who you got? I think the whole thing is fixed, personally.

This and a Diet Coke... you are 100% back.

Would it kill that dude to smile? She's doing something very cool.

100 million people used to tune into this every week on television. Just kidding.

Imagine what happened to the fine china!

For reference: she's 64 pounds, he's 200.

It's definitely not a parasitic, terrifying alien life form.

George looks so happy with his hands on fire. Good for him.

You know, if you weren't able to watch Babe Ruth hit 46 homeruns back then, you had to find some other way to entertain yourself.

Not sure how accurate the teacher and spring break thing is, but they are certainly getting lit.

What's next... a bicycle built for five? Probably.

My palms are sweaty looking at this pic.